What a quote. I can read this quote over a thousand times and still cannot fathom everything it holds inside of it.
Right now I am on the brink of tears. It is 12:18 in the morning and I am a third of the way through my homework that is due at 8:30 in the morning. Not much time for sleep and the clock is ticking down…so “Why..” you ask… Why am I on my blog right now writing about it instead of doing it…because my heart sunk so deep when I realized I am only on 5 of 16 map terms that have to be described with the “5 W’s”…and I have to write a 2 page paper on current events in Norway. The way I work with homework is …different than others. Instead of prioritizing what needs to be completed first, instead of taking a deep breath and diving into what has to be done…I shut down, back off, and push it out of my head. I’m not one to be negative. I don’t like to feel like the world is collapsing around me and I don’t like to feel like everything that I strive to accomplish everyday of my life is always out of my reach……….. but as of this second in time….I feel exactly that. I have pushed my history book off my desks and thrown my notebook on the ground. My eyes are misty and my brain is so tired I am not even sure this post is making sense.
I feel as if I am putting EVERYTHING into life….but I don’t think I see the reward yet. Or perhaps this quote has gone askew…because the more I put into it, the more drained I feel. All I want is to be able to wake up in the morning and fling my curtains wide open to have the sun stream in through the windows. I want to grab a cup of coffee and turn on my Pandora station…and paint. The one thing I am working for right now, is the only thing I cannot seem to get to. Every ounce of energy is thrown into school classes 5 days a week, 25 hours worth of hostessing downtown, and keeping my house somewhat clean and organized for my husband. Then homework for Biology and Western Civilization steal my precious moments of sleep away from me. Aside from all that, I can’t even rub two hours together a day to spend with my husband. So apparently in between that SOMEWHERE…is where I get to be the creative, energetic, excited artist that I am supposed to be…that I want to be. It is funny how hard I can work to support myself through my art career…and how many hours I put into school to further my skills in art…yet I have no time to actually CREATE said artwork. Oh, and have I mentioned yet that I also started up a business…and they don’t run themselves. No, that also needs time put into it and unfortunately it is the last thing I am thinking of at this moment….even though it should be the first. Seeing how that is my career when I graduate…which is in a little over 3 months.
Anyways, I don’t think I am going to even re-read/proofread this post…’wordpress’ will check the spelling errors for me… If I were to read this over…I am sure that I would delete the entire thing due to the amount of complaining and negativity within this post. “They” say that the most famous artists are the ones that open themselves up to the world so everyone has a better understanding of who they are. Well, here is a glimpse into my current life. I know it is nothing compared to the woes of the world…but they ARE still woes…and this time -I have shared them.
ARTISTS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD… If you are reading this, if you have two seconds to rub together, please tell me how you do it. Please tell me there IS a light at the end of the tunnel. Please tell me you still enjoy what you do. Please tell me you actually have time to enjoy it.
colorinG the wOrld he createD … or trying to at least.